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June

on
Tuesday, June 7, 2022

Oh wow, it's June! So excuse me, where is my plan to write a blog post at least once a week to improve my English skill writing? NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. 404 ERROR.


But anyway, here I am. 23.26 here. Tomorrow is Bebe's swimming lesson, and I want to tag along, so I chose to sleep late for work tonight. I rarely do this, I hate to be sleepy the next day, but hey, I checked off some of my to-do lists, edited a reel, and now writing a blog post. 


It's only been 6 days of June, but I feel like I'm achieving many things.


Bebe is 8


Today is Bebe's 8 birthday. He's 8 years old, year 2 of primary school, and today marked the first day of school transition to be a full-day school again. He was so happy that now he had lunch at school and could play at recess time. He does not come home to another online class anymore as he did for the past month.


And suddenly, he's a big boy who doesn't want a character cake for his birthday (well, I was relieved because no one really likes cake in this house). Instead, he opted for a sushi cake, and we got him a sushi platter from our usual sushi place. So he had a feast, 15 salmon sushi in one gulp, right after having his lunch at school, and another 10 salmon sushi after his piano and drum lessons.


We tried to consistently exercise.


By we, I mean JG and I because Bebe is the only one who exercises since he has soccer, basketball, and swimming lessons.


It's the 4th week, and I still push and squeeze my time to do at least 1-hour cardio every day. I needed the sweat because even though my BMI is ideal, I know my sedentary lifestyle was problematic, and I felt too weak. So this week, I'm learning about fat loss (bye, fat belly!), building muscles, and strength training. Still, besides the cardio, I haven't got enough motivation to do it regularly.


Also, I haven't got the guts to have my own personal trainer because I am still questioning my commitment. I know I self-sabotage myself too much, so I want to do it slowly. My 1-hour cardio a day for the past 3 weeks is a considerable achievement. I always pat my back every time I am reminded that 3 weeks is the longest time I exercise regularly without any rest day. HAHA.


As for JG, he got an ankle injury last week while playing soccer. So he can't do running on the treadmill as he always does. But I saw him try to at least lift the dumbells every day. So we DO try to move our bodies and be more healthy!


PS: We buy a BMI scale, and being a data freak, JG and I committed to only weighing once a week. So far, we have made good progress!


Start a coaching class.


I always want to learn something to help people grow. I want to become something that is ~therapist-like~.


Once I read about a financial therapist certification, I really like it, but it's not available in Indonesia. The option is minimal because therapy is not something everyone can do, especially when you don't have a psychology degree. But again, a psychology major is too much for my case now.


I have known coaching certification for some time, but previously for me, a "coach" has a blah image (I don't know why!). So then I read about coaching, watched some YouTube videos, checked some institutions that have coaching credentials, and decided to try it anyway.


The class started last Friday; I registered on Thursday night. It was a last-minute decision because I knew I had to shove myself right now or never get enrolled forever.


Turns out the class is so fun! I can say now it's the class I have wanted for a long time. It's about learning empathy, helping people grow, deep listening, and mindful conversation.


Can't wait to learn it all and finish the class!


Buying a burial ground.


Yes, we bought a burial ground for ourselves. 


We contemplated for 3 months whether we go to Europe for the summer holiday or buy a future home. We chose the latter.


We plan to pay in cash and have already transferred the booking fee. 


It feels weird but relieving at the same time. We try to stand on the ground and say things like, "oh, this one is better so we can sit under the tree," while ACTUALLY we will be deep under the ground. What a dark conversation.


So yeah. We tick another financial checklist this month.


Is the pandemic over?


The question we ask each other these days. It feels so unnatural because we live a different life pre-pandemic and now. But I think this one is worth another blog post.


That's it, I guess. Stay healthy!


-ast-







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10 Days Trip Down Memory Lane

on
Monday, May 9, 2022


Hello Jakarta! 
So many things happen during my ten days' stay in Bandung. 


Yes, I was born in Bandung and lived there for 22 years, but I lived in Jakarta for most of my adult days. It's my 11 years now in Jakarta, and now I feel Jakarta also is a place I can call home.


I don't mind having two cities as home, but my stay in Bandung this time hits different. It hits close to home, almost literally.


The sentiment comes all because of the decluttering we did TOGETHER: my mom, husband, and I. And oh, with my dad looking distracted because I know he didn't feel 100% ready to let go of the stuff, yet he gives his best to stay composed most of the time. I know it's hard for him considering it is HIS own home for more than 30 years.


The older we get, the harder it is to let go. Letting go is a painful experience, almost like surrendering to a long-time enemy. Beat me.


But the house is too cluttered. Pile is everywhere (FYI, we found 30 umbrellas from the storage under the stairs, no wonder Harry can live there comfortably, duh).


via GIPHY


It irritates my mom, who loves everything neatly (she did a great job letting go!). But she knows she can't do the decluttering by herself. It would be too tiring. So here comes the help!


Ten days, a three-story house, one giant touch-ceiling kitchen cabinet (too big to be called a cabinet), and dozens of trash bags back and forth to the junkyard. It's exhausting. But recognizing the thing from my teenage years or even baby years constantly for days helped me know myself better.


Nope, I'm not contemplating whether to put the nostalgic thing in the trash bin or keep it for the spark of joy's sake. Instead, by touching so many things from the past, I realize that my whole life has always been more than enough.

(Read my first experience of decluttering on 2017: Beres-beres Rumah dengan Metode Konmari)


We never experienced poor. We never experienced less. I am all privileged since I was born.


I know it's not shocking nor breaking news since I always acknowledge the privilege I have on my social media. But growing up, my dad always said that someone else was more affluent than us.


Even though he never said things bluntly like "ya kita miskin" or "kita kan nggak kaya." He will say things jokingly like "ya dia kan anak orang kaya" or "hahaha maklumlah dia kan kaya".


So unconsciously, I always think: They're rich, we're not.


While actually, we're more than enough. We live way, way more comfortable than most people.


Over the years, I thought we were middle class, while actually, we're in the upper-middle class. We always have cars; I enrolled in English classes, Mandarin, Korean, and swimming lessons. My sister has her ballerina days. We never experienced hardship in life at all.


Another judgment comes from small things like a cute dusty pencil case from my middle school days. Each of my sisters has it too. It's from our aunt who lives in Denmark. Then my mom said, "you guys use the pencil case from Denmark, you know, back in elementary school; mine is from Japan."


It was the 70s, and some of her stationary came straight from Japan because one of her aunties lived there. Living overseas in that era was not as simple as today, right?


And I experience it myself, having your family members living overseas in a first world country affects your way of thinking.


My extended family is so open-minded; the conversations are different. For example, my aunt raised the issue of the right to be child-free in the 90s. I'm still in primary school, and the discourse in my family about being child-free is already there. Not because some YouTubers said she will go child-free in 2021. 


Thus, they're not your regular family asking "kapan nikah" questions or unwanted advice about having a second child. They're not a family that resents you because you get married to someone without their approval. It is a privilege that few people have.


Then since I post so many nostalgic things to my Instagram story, people flooded my DM with "wah dulu pengen ini tapi nggak kebeli."


But they are my everyday things like AlfaLink dictionary, Harry Potter books, majalah Bobo collection, wooden toys, dolls, stationeries, my sister's Barbie collection, etc. So then I realized I took them for granted. I underestimate our family's financial situation from that era up until now.


Now it feels like a flexing post from the past (it's okay if you think it is), but for me, it's a story about a change of perspective. Your parents have their own way of thinking, which influences your prejudice more than you are consciously aware. 


I want to tell you now that you're an adult, many things that our parents say or do since we were kids come from their own perspective of life. It comes from their point of view.


It is affected by their confidence and insecurities. So, yes, your parents are going through the same thing as you: quarter-life crisis, inner child conflict, and could be mental health conditions. However, it may only be that they don't know what it is called because of the limitation of knowledge.


But we live in 2022. We acknowledge privilege, and we talk about mental health publicly. So when you realize that now you see the world differently, something our parents repeatedly say over the years may feel strange. Still, it's not false, only different.


Because now you have enough of your point of view about life. You have your own confidence (and insecurities, too). So you can own your perspective and change the old mindset they plant in you. 


I believe we attract things that we think. If you think about wealth negatively, no wonder you are stuck in your financial condition now. If you believe the wealthy are wrong, no wonder you are not part of them because you don't want to be a part of evil people. So change it.


A new perspective will bring you into a new feeling, taking you to a new attitude. Different attitudes will improve your life.


The hardest part is to make the unconscious conscious.


In my case, I try to totally grasp the feeling that I always have more than enough. Even when my parents say otherwise. As a result, I change the frame of reference on my childhood. It makes me see my self-confidence (to reach out for my goals) differently.


It sounds complicated, but I hope that makes sense. Have a good Monday!


Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate. --C.G. Jung


-ast-







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April to Remember

on
Wednesday, April 27, 2022

So this April was ... wild. THAT WILD, it was worth a blog post to remember. THAT WILD that once, as a speaker in a webinar last weekend, suddenly I had to put both of my hands over my mouth, make sure I was on mute, and act like I was coughing. When actually I screamed OUT LOUD. TWICE.


Then I got back to the smiley, friendly face (your resting bitch face girl over here works hard for it, of course). Answered the audience's questions, interacted with the other speaker, and took pictures, just like any regular event I did for the past year. 


As you might know, I like sharing my thoughts with people, whatever the channel is. Up to this point, writing is the set-up I love the most, but speaking is a newfound love that I enjoy every bit of it. I really like the saying: I get paid to talk, lol. Growing up a shy girl, I feel like I found a new natural talent in speaking. I mean it.


But this month, I attended 23 public and internal events as a speaker. TWENTY THREE. Then I had some campaigns with brands, plus meetings in-betweens, presentation deck making, and tons of revisions here and there.


On some days, I found myself on a back-to-back, 3 events a day (some even on weekends). On another day, I sat on my chair for hours without a break, trying to make exciting content for the campaigns. Followed by meetings, meetings, meetings, rehearsals, rehearsals, rehearsals.


And take into consideration, peeps, that I still have to produce original content. Instagram feed carousel, stories, Instagram videos, YouTube videos (I'm giving up my podcast this month!)


Honestly speaking, it was very exhausting.


For once, after my resignation last year, I feel helpless and anxious. I feel the urge to do everything in a rush again. The ~bad~ habit of pushing myself to the limit, wanting everything to be perfect, and being impatient with myself is returning. It ain't good for me.


Then the daunting thought came: Would all the mindfulness theories, practice, and classes I attended the whole time go down in flames? 


But then I realize it won't. It's not. Your body remembers. Your mind is trained. As long as you constantly try to feel it, regulate your emotion. Feeling something and perceiving something as good or bad is always okay. You do not need to always feel good about yourself or your job.


Yes, you do everything you cherish the most, but it doesn't mean you have to do it happily every day.


Yes, you like your job, you feel like it's your passion and calling, but it doesn't mean you don't deserve to feel exhausted. You are allowed to feel low; you may feel dead-tired; you could perhaps want to stop the work and lie down on your bed scrolling Tiktok all day long.


So I screamed in a webinar and felt way better. I told JG and Bebe that I roared that loud because I wanted to. They understood. I scroll TikTok and watch YouTube all day on Sunday. I keep my studio and the work away. I still had one or two lazy Sundays, which brought me joy.


On a very overloaded day, I wrapped up the day with journalling to untangle the cluttered in my mind. You ain't forget that I'm a mom too, right? So I squeeze my time to hang around Bebe's room and check his school task. It's fascinating how a full-time job as a mom becomes my rest time for a while.


I did the breathing exercise every time the day was overwhelming. I did meditation every morning. I did the morning rituals of taking a bath and putting on my skincare without any rush. I tried not to multitask everything and check my to-do list one by one. One at a time.


It helps. A lot.


So that's my April to remember. Have a good holiday, peeps!


PS: I've been writing mixed-language English - Bahasa Indonesia forever, and I feel I'm not improving. So starting from today, I'll try to write entirely in English OR comprehensively in Bahasa Indonesia. At least here in the blog. Cheers!


-ast-







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2021

on
Saturday, January 1, 2022


Selamat pagi, 2022! Sebelum nulis ritual tahunan ini saya baca dulu postingan yang rutin dibuat di awal tahun untuk refleksi tahun lalu. Rutin ternyata nulis kaya gini dari 2017 dan wah hidup memang banyak kejutannya ya.

Baca refleksi dari tahun ke tahun itu bikin saya paham banget bahwa manusia boleh berencana, boleh bikin resolusi, boleh mikir hidup nanti akan begini dan begitu, nyatanya ya lebih ke “lihat nanti aja” alias terserah yang menentukan (jelas bukan kita :’)))

Jadi 2021 ini kami berhenti bikin resolusi tahunan. Iya, saya yang bikin resolusi tahunan sejak 2009, tahun ini berhenti. Bukan berarti nggak berencana sama sekali, tapi mengubah rencana yang sebelumnya deadlinenya tahunan jadi rencana yang deadlinenya dalam jangka waktu lebih pendek (3 bulanan) dan lebih panjang (ya kalau tercapai tahun ini bagus, kalau tercapai 3 tahun lagi pun tidak apa-apa).

Lebih cepat lebih baik tentunya. Tapi nggak ngotot. Ngapain ya ngotot orang kita juga nggak tau apa yang akan terjadi di dunia LOL. Pelajaran pandemi banget ini.

Anyway, di postingan tahun lalu saya bilang ingin ambil kelas waris, alhamdulillah sudah lulus. Kemudian ada kelas sertifikasi Islamic Financial Planning pertama di Indonesia, ikut juga, sudah ujian, tapi belum ada pengumuman lulus atau nggaknya. Yakin 95% lulus sih soalnya ujiannya essay dan saya pede banget kalau disuruh nulis mah HAHAHA. Terus juga ambil kelas Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, mayan bantu meski kadang masih perlu terus menerus mengingatkan diri sendiri untuk selalu chill aja kalem sissss.

Jadiii, ngapain aja di 2021 ini? BANYAK. Banyak hal terjadi yang tiba-tiba dan nggak pernah direncanakan sebelumnya. Jangankan direncanakan, di Januari 2021 aja kami nggak pernah nyangka akan hidup kaya sekarang ini.

Bulan Januari saya masih kerja, udah mulai banyak job sebagai speaker untuk topik finansial, masih kulwap juga, udah pengen resign tapi nggak tau kapan. Pengen aja pokoknya, udah nabung kenceng juga pokoknya. Eh Februari disuruh WFO, no thanks. Bebe sekolah sama siapa kalau saya WFO? Sementara JG kerja dari pagi ke pagi meski WFH?

Jadi keputusan resign itu emang udah dipengenin dan disiapin dari tahun 2020 tapi terus takut banget kan, gila sih khawatirnya tuh bukan ada lagi, PANIK BANGET LOL. Jadi titik “OK RESIGN” dan langsung nelepon atasan detik itu juga itu bener-bener setelah ada email harus WFO hahahaha. Se-nggak mau itu WFO. Yaiyalah, belum kaya sekarang lho, vaksin aja belum. Yang divaksin waktu itu baru presiden, gila ajaaa, nggak berani!

Februari resign, kerjaan alhamdulillah langsung banyak banget karena pas masih kerja, saya nggak bisa ambil job dari kompetitor kan. Sementara kerja di media, media zaman sekarang kan banyakannya jadi EO, ya sulit lah intinya untuk saya bisa ambil job dari mereka.

Maret masih sedikit panik karena penghasilan belum kembali seperti gaji. Tapi di April bersyukur banget bisa 3x lipatnya! Mei mulai keteteran dan akhirnya hire manager. And the rest is history alias kerjaaaaa terus sampai minggu lalu. Dari campaign sampai ngulang-ngulang hal yang sama terus ngomongin keuangan. Kerja eksklusif bareng sebuah bank, Instagram live entah berapa kali, webinar umum, webinar internal, bersyukur banget bisa sharing sama banyak sekali orang.

Yang bikin bahagia: Lepas kacamata. Akhirnya bisa Lasik, Bebe akhirnya bisa pakai Ortho-K, sekarang serumah nggak ada yang berkacamata aduhhhh bener-bener seneng dan bersyukur banget! Sampai sekarang mellow kalau liat Xylo berkacamata karena kaya udah lama banget dia nggak pake kacamata.

Agustus pindah rumah. Keputusan besar karena harga kontrakan naik 4x lipat. Ya wajar nggak sih, 8 tahun nikah, harga kontrakan nggak naik sama sekali. Saatnya pindah ke area yang lebih luas karena Bebe juga makin besar, saya juga kerja full dari rumah jadi ya apartemen 33m2 itu udah nggak mengakomodir kebutuhan kami lagi.

Sampai di bulan Oktober JG udah nggak waras literally. Hidup bergantung sama obat. Malem nggak minum obat ya nggak bisa tidur (dan berakhir kerja). Siang nggak minum obat ya nggak berfungsi, maunya tiduran terus. Nggak beres. Akhirnya cari asuransi kesehatan, bayar, detik itu juga ngajuin resign.

Karena kondisinya sejak pindah rumah Bebe nggak mau sekolah. Jadi saat JG resign, mereka berdua saling support lol alias main bareng terus seruuuu. Di rumah main badminton, bola, sepeda, main game, sampai Bebe nangis pas JG nyeletuk “apa aku kerja lagi ya?” HAHA. Terus Bebe bisa les lebih banyak. Sebelumnya cuma bola dan drum di weekend karena siapa yang mau anter? Setelah resign, Bebe bisa bola, basket, drum, piano, dan vokal. Seneng banget!

Pada akhirnya bisa ngalamin juga libur sekolah terus piknik sekeluarga ahahaha. Seumur hidup nggak pernah karena cuti aja susah. Kemarin di 2 minggu terakhir Desember load kerjaan saya udah nggak terlalu numpuk, kami bisa pergi-pergi ke tempat wisata di Jakarta. Dulu mana bisaaaa, bulan Desember gini tuh JG akan duduk di meja kerja, bahkan untuk makan aja dia tetep di meja saking padetnya kerjaan.

Tapi yah, semua keputusan ada konsekuensinya ya. Konsekuensi saya adalah kembali hidup kaya berambisi lagi tapi udah sedikit sadar untuk injak rem. Kalau dulu kan ambisius banget sampai nggak sadar, kerjaaaa terus. Nah kalau sekarang kaya “hahhh kerja aku kan tulang punggung keluarga!” lalu chill lagi “eh santai kali sekarang juga cukup kokkk” gitu bolak-balik lol maklum lah ya baru 3 bulan ini hahaha. Adaptasi sama perasaannya emang yang PR nih.

Jadi syukurlah masih bisa waras, nggak semua kerjaan diambil, nggak semua brand diiyakan. Kalau sudah diiyakan, lalu ternyata nggak sesuai sama yang diharapkan ya sudah refund aja. Kalem. Rezeki udah ada yang ngatur dan sayanya juga nggak diem aja kan. Selama masih kerja, selama masih usaha, selama itu juga perlu diingatkan untuk nggak serakah.

2021 ngajarin saya untuk lebih chill, untuk nggak selalu berpatokan pada rencana (asal dana darurat aman lol), untuk tidak serakah dan selalu ketakutan akan kekuranganu, untuk selalu berusaha karena manusia bisa bertahan hanya karena berusaha. 2021 ini pelajaran bahwa cita-cita boleh berubah, bahwa mimpi bisa berganti, dan bahwa kesehatan adalah yang utama. Fisik, mental, juga finansial.

Siap sekali untuk 2022! Udah bikin studio karena mau fokus bikin YouTube. Udah hire videografer. Udah ada rencana ambil satu sertifikasi baru. Udah siap kalau semuanya nggak berjalan sesuai rencana.

Cheers untuk 2022 yang lebih kalem!

-ast-








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